Grease is the way we are feeling.

A few weeks ago, one of my colleagues, John who is also a professional photographer asked me if I want to model for a little shooting he had planned. And I said yes, because I loved the theme: 50’s, Grease and Pin up style. Sounded amazing.

But since I didn’t want to go on my own, I asked one of my friends to come with me, thank god she said yes. At first he said we gonna be 4 models but by Saturday we were down to 2 models but Steffi (the friend who came with me), was asked to get in front of the camera as well. YAAY!

So on Saturday Steffi picked me up, we met one of the photographers (Nick) at the company I work, because I had no idea where the location is. We drove for almost 2 hours until we finally got there.

Beautiful place, an amazing farm. People there were SO nice and made sure we feel really comfortable. Then it was time to get the cars out of the garage. God they were beautiful and the sound…holy shit I can tell you! It was like going back in time!!!

Then it was make up time! After the first model got her makeup done, it was my turn. Was nice not to have to do this myself, for once :) And the makeup artist honestly did a great job! I put on my brown 50’s dress and then it was time to start. Since this was the first time for me, I thought I’d feel really awkward and stuff but it was just amazing! I felt really comfortable and since I know John for quite a while now and have seen his work before, I knew the pictures gonna be great!

After the 50s style it was time to get a little bit more rock’n’roll. We all put on some leatherjackets, Steffi wore some leather leggings and I wore high waste black shorts. John gave us a gun each and we got back into the cars. We had a great time pretending to shoot everyone on the set.

John and Nick were both amazing. We had such a laugh. Sometimes it was hard to stay serious because Steffi couldn’t help but laugh her ass off after one of the photographers said stuff like “YES! YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE BANK! THIS IS YOUR MONEY! PROTECT IT! SHOOT EVERYONE!” – I mean honestly, how were we supposed to make a serious and evil look into the camera then?!

But anyway, the photo shoot lasted about 3 hours and I had an absolutely amazing time. Definitely would do this again. John and Nick are both great people who do an amazing job.

I would like to say thank you, to John for inviting me, to Nick for being ana awesome guy, to Colin who owns the location and made sure we had enough drinks and food (I am very jealous that you own such beautiful cars :D), to Anne-Catrin for doing this great make up and to Steffi for coming with me. You are all amazing. Thanks a lot.

PS: John is still working on some of the pictures, since he took a LOT! He promised me he will upload more tonight, I'll keep you updated on my twitter and instagram :)

Xo

Sab

Let’s get down to business.

Remember when I told you about the job offer I got a few weeks ago? Yes? Good. Guess what…I rejected it. I don’t know if this was the right decision or not but I had to make one and I’m quite happy with it at the moment. We’ll see how it turns out in the future.

And I absolutely can’t wait for what lies ahead of me. THE date is the 21^st of August. Only 10 weeks left until my planned leave. Holy Christ! And yet, there is SO much to do. I hope this is going to work out! (I am still shitting my pants! But I honestly try to be positive!)

On Thursday I called my agency to tell them about my plans and that I’m going to cancel the contract so the last day of work for me will be the 31^st of July. As expected they weren’t happy that I’m going to leave, but they have no other choice, they have to accept it. So today I wrote my termination with notice, which I’ll have to send out later. Crazy stuff. I also already cancelled my phone contract, but still got to pay for it until November. Great.

I sent out a lot of applications already and hope I’ll get some feedback so it’ll be a bit easier for me to get a job, once I’m in England.

I already told you that I’m currently living at my nana’s and I’ll stay there until the day I leave. So pretty much my whole stuff, all the boxes, are now in her basement (she’s absolutely not happy about it because the basement isn’t really big but, oh well.). I still got to find a way to send it all over, something cheap not like a container or something. But I can’t be arse to put it all in small boxes, this would be too expensive, but I’ll figure something out.

"Sometimes goodbye is a second chance."

I also have to plan our farewell party. Yes OUR. The bestie is going to come over (she’s currently in London working as an au pair) and we’ll have a little party with all our “friends”. So I’ll have to design the invitations, try to get the bestie on Skype so we can figure out a guest list, got to rent the place for the party, got to calculate how much money we can/have to spend on food and drinks. It’s a lot to do but I’m actually quite looking forward to it.

What else is there to do? Umm of course I got to book some flights. I actually want to go see the boyfriend again and his family in July before I move over. I got to go to different doctors, talk to my bank, my insurance and some other people. Since I am working everyday from 8 to 4 and I’m home by 6 it’s quite hard to find the time to do it. And I can’t take a few days off work again.

I also got to make an appointment for a tattoo me and the bestie want to get the day before the party. And I’m actually really excited about it. It’s going to be gorgeous!

"And I'm dreaming so much, but I don't ever wanna stop."

So much to do, so little time. I can’t believe how fast the last few weeks have gone! And I still cannot believe all this is finally happening now. It’s crazy. But I’m really looking forward to all of it. It’s definitely going to be an adventure!



I'll keep you updated of course ;)

Cheers,

Sab x

What the actual fuck happened to my life?!

Monday, June 4^th…it’s time to take a deep breath. Things have changed a lot for me in the last few weeks. But let’s start here:

About 7 weeks ago my parents received a letter…we were forced to move out. They gave us 4 weeks. 4 weeks to find a flat, to plan the move, to pack our stuff and to paint the house. We were shocked, but my dad was my dad and did what he always does when we face such terrifying problems; he keeps us going. His decisions might not always be right but at least he always has a plan and knows what to do. But this time it was a bit harder, we spent the first 2 weeks with trying to find a flat, which wasn’t easy. Since my parents knew that I want to leave in august, they’ve been looking for 2-3 bedroom apartments for them and my little brother. But there was literally nothing.

From the 14^th until the 28^th of May I took some days off work, I actually planned to go and see my boyfriend but when the letter arrived two weeks before that, I knew god had other plans for me during my holiday. My parents still hadn’t found a flat and we ran out of time so we had no other choice than starting to pack our stuff.  (I still cannot believe my whole life fits into 6 boxes and one bloody suitcase!)

In the meantime my parents got some appointments to look at flats. Then came the day when we left. So on the last night in my own bed my room looked like this:

Since my parents still hadn’t found a flat, my dad had to rent a 45 square meter flat so we were able to store our furniture and boxes and stuff somewhere and we all had to move in with my nana. This means, 7 people on 75 square meters, oh joy. So no more own room, no more own bed, no more own tv, no space for the computer which means no more skype with the boyfriend. When I thought about it, I was sure I wouldn't survive it!

My parents got their own, small room with a sleeping sofa in it. My brother took the sofa in the living room and I had to share a bed with my nana, my nephew and my sister. And even tho my nephew is only 17 months old and quite small, he took most of the space in bed. Some nights I woke up because he was lying on top of me or kicked me in the back and some mornings I woke up because he kicked me in the face while he slept. I had some great fun….NOT. You’re always around people and you don’t even have 5 minutes to yourself. Me nana was quite annoyed after a few days already because the place wasn’t as clean anymore as she’s used to it. But what do you expect with 6 people, a dog and a 17 month old toddler on 75 square meters?! But somehow we managed to keep it as clean as possible and everyone was quite okay with the situation after a few days.

But yeh, I spent the first week of my holidays with getting up at 7 in the morning and coming back late in the evening, carrying boxes and furniture to the car, throwing old stuff away and carrying more heavy stuff. But we’ve been quite fast and so our old 250 square meter flat was empty soon. Then came the second week of my holidays and we had to paint the whole house, it was terrible, the walls are in a quite weird shape (you actually don’t paint them but spray them with a weird machine which my dad couldn't find ANYWHERE!) but we did our best, painting, singing, laughing, cleaning. We’ve been quite relieved and happy with our work at the end of the week.

Then my parents finally got a call and got told that they can move into one of the flats they’ve been looking at. FINALLY. The flat isn’t as big as our old one but since they’re only 3 people now it’s absolutely fine and the flat is quite amazing actually. My sister still hasn’t found a flat tho so it seems like she’ll stay with me and the nana until she got something. Anyway, on Friday my dad got the keys and they were able to move in. And again, let’s carry some furniture and boxes because it’s such great fun! I was happy that my parents only needed my help on Friday so I had the weekend to myself. They picked up their last stuff yesterday and even tho there’s still pure chaos in their new flat, it’s starting to look like home for them.

We still have some problems with our old landlord but dad wouldn’t be my dad if he wouldn’t have a plan already. I’m glad things are starting to get a bit better again now. There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. Yes I actually still don’t really have a “home” anymore and living with my nana is NOT easy but at least I finally have my own bed again, well yeh it’s the sleep sofa at my nanas but at least I don’t have to share it anymore and I got my own room again. I have privacy again! Thanks god! But still things have changed a lot and I still have to get used to this situation. And more things are to come but I shall tell you about this later.

Xo Sab

 PS: I miss my bed terribly :'(

Expect the best, plan for the worst and prepare to be surprised.

As a lot of you already know: I am still planning to move to England. Get out of this shit whole and move on to pastures new.

BUT my plans of leaving this shitty country always, and I mean ALWAYS, get ruined. No matter how good my plans are, no matter how prepared I am...something happens, more bad than good stuff, and I have to start planning again. I start to think that this is a sign. Maybe I am not supposed to move away, maybe I have to stay here my whole life and be unhappy, because this is god’s plan for me! “Sabrina wants to be happy?! Fuck that I won’t let this happen! Let’s ruin her plans until she gives up!” - Thanks for that God!

A few years back, I’ve suddenly been sure about the fact that I will never be happy here and that I want to move away, not just move out of my parents’ home and get my own flat in the next town, no. I want something different, completely different. I am sick of Germany; I am sick of the people, the language, the country, and the government, just everything! And I like England, I like the country, the people, the language, I just like it. And shut up about the weather! Yes it does rain in England but do you think its better in Germany? No. It’s pretty much the same, I can live with that.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

Then one day, voilà the boyfriend appeared on my screen. A cute English guy, who caught my attention immediately. Right from the start, I knew that I cannot imagine my future without him. This encouraged my view on moving away even more.

Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.

So the bestie (yes she’s gonna come with me) and me started planning a long time ago. And we realised it’s a lot harder than we thought at the beginning, but it was okay. We planned, a lot. Got all the information and thought about the best way to do it. After months of trying to save money and setting different dates and then always postponing them, we finally had the ultimate plan. She’s gonna go to London for a few months as an au pair, I’ll stay in germany and work till my contract ends and then move in with the boyfriend. At least until I found a job and me and the bestie found a flat together. Sounds easy, but (still) isn’t. I am not gonna tell you every detail, because it's a long and not really nice story and actually my family problems are not your buisness. Just so much:

I am scared. I am honestly shitting my pants. But now, I have no other choice. My parents gonna move out of the house and move in to a two bedroom apartment with my brother and my sister’s gonna move away with her son as well. Since I actually won’t have a home anymore, I have no other choice than leaving in august. Because I do not want to stay here any longer and I will not get my own flat here because I still need to save money! I’m gonna stay with my nana or my sister for the next 2 months until I can finally go over to the boyfriend. I thought.

Good fortune is what happens, when opportunity meets planning.

And now?! My plans are upside down again. AGAIN! My contract would end in July but now they offered me a new position, starting in August for another year! Another year? This means I'd have to get my own flat here, in shitty land. Can I really stay here another year? Push back my plans and dreams again? The boyfriend AND the bestie won’t be impressed. It’s a brilliant opportunity though, would look marvellous in my CV...but can I do it? Mentally? I don’t know. I have to think about this now. Maybe do a pro and contra list?! Urgh! I don't even know why I wrote about this now, I just had to get it out of my mind, too much stuff is in my head right now, it might explode. Anyway....

But what would you do? Got some advice, anything?

Till then,

Sab

X

The Neighbor by Lisa Gardner

I saw this book when I went shopping with the bestie. Only the 3 little sentences on the front cover got my attention immediately. I just had to buy this book. It’s the first one I've ever read by Lisa Gardner and I can tell you, it's not gonna be the last.

The Blurb:

This is what happened... It was a case guaranteed to spark a media feeding frenzy--a young mother, blond and pretty, disappears without a trace from her South Boston home, leaving behind her four-year-old daughter as the only witness and her handsome, secretive husband as the prime suspect. 

In the last six hours... But from the moment Detective Sergeant D. D. Warren arrives at the Joneses’ snug little bungalow, she senses something off about the picture of wholesome normality the couple worked so hard to create. On the surface, Jason and Sandra Jones are like any other hardworking young couple raising a four-year-old child. But it is just under the surface that things grew murky.

Of the world as I knew it... With the clock ticking on the life of a missing woman and the media firestorm building, Jason Jones seems more intent on destroying evidence and isolating his daughter than on searching for his “beloved” wife. Is the perfect husband trying to hide his guilt--or just trying to hide? And will the only witness to the crime be the killer’s next victim?

My thoughts:

I don’t want to tell you too much, all I can say is: 

Go, buy this book, sit down and read it. If you love thrillers, you will adore this book and I promise it won’t take you long to finish it. You will love it!

I couldn’t stop thinking about this book. It’s been in my drawer for about 2 weeks and it was almost screaming for me to read it and then last week I just couldn’t resist anymore. I didn’t care that I only just started another book; I put it aside and started to read ‘The Neigbor’.

And believe me, I didn’t want to stop anymore. The whole story is just absolutely gripping and impossible to figure out until everything is finally revealed at the end. On one page you think “Okay, it’s him! It can only be him! He killed her, I’m sure she’s dead!” then you read two more pages and suddenly you are like “No no no, that’s HIM! OMG of course! But why? And is she still alive? Where is she?”. But forget it, you won’t be able to figure it out!
I seriously couldn’t stop thinking about the story, no matter what I did my thoughts revolved around this book, all I wanted to do was finishing it and finally knowing what the heck was going on there! And that my friends, didn’t happen to me for a long, long time! This is the first book that seriously got my attention until the very end. 

Friday the 13th. “Cause this is thriller!” - Or not?!

I woke up this morning, after a really good and long sleep. Sun was shining through my window and I thought: “Hey, it’s Friday today!” Last day of work for this week, no going to bed early tonight and no getting up early tomorrow morning. I was pleased.

Until I got a tweet saying: “Friday the 13th though o_O”. And then I thought “Oh right...so?” What actually is the meaning of Friday the 13th and why are most people so scared of it? I had absolutely no idea, since for me this day is actually nothing special, so what do you do in that case? Right – Google it.

And this is what I found:

"Like many human beliefs, the fear of Friday the 13th (known as paraskevidekatriaphobia) isn't exactly grounded in scientific logic. But the really strange thing is that most of the people who believe the day is unlucky offer no explanation at all, logical or illogical. As with most superstitions, people fear Friday the 13th for its own sake, without any need for background information.”

That's exactly what I was thinking really. Humans can be stupid sometimes. They do fear this day but have no idea why. For many people Friday the 13th means bad luck on this day, for others it’s just another normal day in the calendar and some even consider the number 13 as a lucky number, means a lucky day. I can’t actually complain about a Friday the 13th. Nothing bad ever happened to me on such a day (still, knock on wood for this! ;D). I mean, you have good and bad days anyway, right? Doesn’t particularly mean you ALWAYS have bad luck on Friday 13th. You never know what the day might bring when you get out of bed in the morning, friday 13th or not. You just follow your routine and hope it's gonna be a good day for you.

But still, I find it rather interesting. So tell me about your experience with Friday 13th. Do you actually believe in it? If so, can you explain why? Did something ever happen to you on a day like this? Good or bad? Or is it also just a normal day for you? I’d love to know.

And now, let’s hope no black cat will cross your way on the streets today and Friday 13th will be nice to you.






Good luck then.

Sab x

Rainy thoughts.

As soon as it starts to rain, I get into a rather depressing mood. Not always, but most of the time. When I’m snuggled up in bed for example, with a few candles lit, a cuppa and a good book and it starts to rain, it actually calms me and makes me feel even more comfy. But right now I’m sitting in the office, with absolutely nothing to do and it just started to rain cats and dogs. This makes me think of how lonely I actually am.

“When it rains, I don’t mind being lonely, I cry right along with the sky.”

I’ve been rather positive all day, I think that’s because I had a lovely talk with the boyfriend last night about our future. So I went to work with a smile on my face today, but then I got bored, then frustrated and now rather sad. Without any reason. It started to rain; I looked out the window and suddenly felt the urge to cry.


I start to think. That’s the thing. I actually hate thinking. Thoughts are seriously bad for your health. One second you’re on top of the word, your body floated with happiness, you feel invincible. Like you’re in some kind of bubble, flying through the world. Suddenly, your mind comes up with one little negative thought...*blop*...your bubble bursts and you land on the cold and dirty ground, better known as – reality. That’s how I feel about thinking. I try to think and be as positive as possible, but when I not watch out for one tiny second, the thoughts are creeping up from behind, lay a rope around my throat and try to choke me.

No matter how much I tell myself to stay positive, no matter how many plans I make and no matter how good they are. There are always these thoughts. “How am I even gonna make this?”. “What if I’m not good enough?”. “Why can’t things be easier?”. Stuff like this. It’s driving me insane.
But that’s life. You have good days and bad days. And you have to keep going. So I have no other choice, I have to kick those thoughts right into the balls. Build a one-man army and show them who the boss is. I’m not gonna let this bring me down. Come here rain! Come in thoughts! I’m ready.

Well I hope you are all full of positive energy today, go out and share it with someone. I'll go home soon and hide under my blanket until I'm in a better mood again.

Sab

And suddenly you have to grow up...

I think there are 3 really important stages in life:

1. The I-don’t-have-to-worry-mum-and-dad-are-there stage
2. The OMG-my-parents-are-so-annoying-and-HE-broke-my-heart-I’m-gonna-die stage

And finally

3. The It’s-time-to-leave-mum-and-dad-and-grow-up-and-live-your-own-life stage

Stage 1 (0-12) Oh how easy it was. All you have to worry about is when you fall down and scratch your knee. But then mum or dad comes along and makes it okay with her “magical kiss”. All the decisions are being made for you, good or bad, you don’t have to care. Life is good, easy and you are happy.

Then comes stage 2 (13-17) and life gets harder already. You have to deal with horrible teachers, hard exams, stupid classes and even more stupid homework. You fall in love for the first time but he breaks your heart and you think you never gonna survive this. And when your parents come to you and want to talk to you, you think “It’s my own life! I can do whatever I want! I’m not a baby anymore!” And when you try to talk to them about something, they just don’t understand. And you just can’t wait to properly grow up and move out!

And then it’s the time. Stage 3 (18-30) is there, you actually have no other choice than growing up and moving out soon. And Stage 2 was NOTHING compared to this! You have to get a job, earn your own money, pay your own bills and think about where you want to be in a few years. No one is making decisions for you anymore. You are responsible for your own life now. And there’s so much pressure on you, you think you never gonna make it. You have a boyfriend now? Good. Is he the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? Better watch out that you don’t get pregnant now tho, if you have other plans in mind. You make plans, they fail. You have to think of a plan b. You may fail again. But you have to get back up and keep going. It’s the hardest thing ever and you may reach a point (like I did now with 21) where you can’t wait to be settled down, with a husband, a house, maybe kids and a job you actually quite enjoy. But you can’t just press the fast forward button on the remote of life, can you?!

Oh how I just couldn’t wait to turn 18, how excited I was to actually be a proper grown-up. And now???

My nana always says: “When I was your age, I was already married for 3 years and had 2 kids!” – Yes nana, times have changed. What am I supposed to do with kids now?! Can you give me the time to sort my life out before I bring another life into this world?! Thank you.
But besides that, HE has to put a ring on it first. Call me old-fashioned but I want to be married before I have kids. But not yet. Maybe in 2 or 3 years. That should be enough time for the boyfriend to save money for my engagement ring, right?! And then he will get another year to save money for the wedding. Yes, I think that’s very generous of me. And then we can have kids. A boy first please, then a girl (tell this your little soldiers down there A. Thank you!).

But anyway, why am I talking about marriage and kids now?! We should talk about this “sort my life out first” part. So again, I’m 21 currently working as a secretary and still living with my parents. How awesome is my life?! I have to say my job is well paid though so it could be worse (but, I’ll admit I’m rather bad with money. Which means after about 3 weeks all my money is gone (I blame all these awesome books, beautiful heels and clothes out there, why do I have to be a bloody woman?!).)

I have this plan in mind for such a long time now. And it keeps changing and changing and changing because this plan is not easy to actually realise. It requires a lot of thinking, planning and of course money, which I’m scant of. But I have to keep going, keep planning and keep saving money as good as I can. I mean this is about my future You have to be patient, very patient. I’ve been bloody patient for the last 21 years now, I’m done. Sick of waiting! I need my plan to become reality now. But no....I’ll have to wait at least another 4 months. Thanks for that.

I mean, my life could be so easy. I could just move a few streets away from my parents and get a job in an office or something. But this would also mean I’d have to give up on my relationship as well! And since I found the man I want to marry in a few years, I would not only be utterly devastated but also a huge idiot!!! So let’s absolutely forget about this! That’s not what I want and it wouldn’t be good enough for me. Call me arrogant, but I think I can do better and I deserve better. I’ve never been really happy here, I don’t know the exact reason to be honest, but I know that if I won’t take this step, if I won’t pack my bags and just try it, I’ll never be happy. And hey, no risk, no fun right?!

“Failure is the mother of success.”

This is one of my favourite quotes right now. People fail, people make mistakes. But that’s important in life. It’s part of growing up. But most important is that you get back up again. That you tell yourself: “Right, I failed. But I can do better!” I’d rather try to make my dreams come true while I’m still young, than sit here in a few years and regret that I didn’t try it at all. So I’ll be patient, I’ll work hard and I know I’ll get there someday. It won’t be easy, there will be many obstacles in my way and yes, maybe I’ll fail, but that’s what life is about. If I want it enough, I know I can do it!

Now, what are your thoughts on this?
And what actually is growing up for you?
How do you imagine your life to be in about 5 or 10 years?

On that note, have a nice day and I hope you can fulfil some of your dreams today. X



Sab

I left my soul in London town.

Tuesday, 10th April 2012. I am back in the office after a glorious weekend in London town. And I have absolutely no idea what I am actually doing here. All I know is, I shouldn't be here. I should still be in London, or England at least. But that my friends, is another story and I am already working on the happy end. But back to my weekend now:

I finally managed to pack my bags on Thursday (which included a huge clothes-and-shoes-decision-drama, as always when I go away even for just a few days). I left the house with a 17! Kg suitcase and the bestie on Good Friday, for our little Easter holiday in London. I was rather excited. We've been at the airport quite early but that was absolutely fine. We spent some time walking about, eating ice cream and going through the duty free shop. This wasn’t a good idea, because we actually went straight into the perfume section and my nose absolutely hated me for this. But we're good again now.
After we finally got on board, I felt rather sick. I just realised again that I actually don’t like flying (People just don’t belong up there, I rather have my feet on the ground!) and my mind created the most horrible scenes while we’ve been in the air but I tried to block them out as good as I could with loud music blasting through my headphones.

But when the captain said we’re just about to approach now, I looked out of the window and as soon as I saw England, I calmed. I felt like I’m coming home after a long, long time. We got our luggage, got on the Gatwick Express to Victoria station and then took the tube to Heathrow airport. As soon as I’ve been on the tube, I was absolutely happy. We got off at Heathrow and the boyfriend was already waiting for us there. I was even happier than before. Then we got on the bus to the hotel, when we arrived there, we almost had a little break down because the woman at the reception told us our rooms weren’t paid yet (PANIC!) but we solved this problem and finally got into our rooms. I was absolutely shattered. London had to wait another day, I just wanted to sleep.

Then Saturday was finally there. The day me and the bestie have been waiting for, so incredibly long. McFLYday. We got lunch and then went straight to Hammersmith Apollo. Loads of girls have been there already, some for almost 24 hours! It was absolutely freezing! So we sat on the cold pavement and waited...and waited...and waited...for 6 bloody hours. Then it was finally time to get into the venue, after another hour of standing and waiting outside (meanwhile I absolutely regretted that I decided to wear high heels, but no pain no gain!) And then there we’ve been. 3rd row, ready to see the sexy boys from McFLY. The 2 support acts been on stage for what felt like ages but as soon as they finished and YMCA was played I was just absolutely excited and I couldn’t breathe because I knew McFLY would come on stage in a few seconds (That’s the fangirl inside of me speaking right now, I can’t help it!). And the show has been absolutely brilliant, fantastic, just perfect. My feet we’re killing me, I couldn’t breathe, it was bloody hot and I got squashed but fuck it was absolutely worth it! (Next time, I’ll take a seating ticket tho!) Unfortunately my phone decided to be a bitch and wouldn’t let me take one good picture of the boys I adore so much but I made some videos and they’re actually brilliant. So I’m rather happy right now.
After the concert was the after party but we couldn’t manage to go there, since we looked like absolute twats after the gig, we had to go back to the hotel to get showered and changed, by the time we would’ve gone to the club tho, the party would’ve been almost over so we just stayed at the hotel (which i really do not regret). And I fell asleep, with a huge smile on my face and some butterflies in my stomach. This night was just brilliant. Words cannot explain it. You have to experience this to know what I felt/feel.

On Sunday we met up with James and Vicky and walked through London, found a little Italian restaurant and sat down to have a drink. Unfortunately it was Easter Sunday so most of the shops have been closed and since the weather was terrible as well we really couldn’t think of anything to do. But it was good tho.
Later that day the Bestie decided to go to a comedy gig, I couldn’t be bothered to so I went back to Hammersmith with the boyfriend and sat down in a rather nice pub. This night I have to admit, was rather perfect. It couldn’t have been any better. We talked, kissed, laughed. And after a pint of Guinness and 3 Crabbies ginger beer, I was quite drunk. But so was the boyfriend. It was fun, fun fun. And apparently I sound prober posh when I’m drunk, according to the boyfriend. Anyway, I felt so good this night. I haven’t been this happy for ages. I just don’t know what I’d do without my boyfriend. He completes me. And I really want more nights like this, in a pub with him, having a few pints and just rambling and laughing and kissing. Nothing more, nothing less.

And then Monday came along. I hated it. I had to say goodbye...goodbye to McFLY, goodbye to English TV, goodbye to the pub in Hammersmith, goodbye to the tube, goodbye to the hotel, goodbye to London and worst of all goodbye to the boyfriend. Of course I cried like a baby and looked like a fool. But we had no other choice, he had to get his train to Sunderland and I had to get back on a plane to Germany. This weekend was absolutely amazing, but our holiday had to end and we had to face reality again.

So here we are now, back to reality. Back to in the office, back to the same shite. The same boring place. The same stupid people. But as I told you earlier, I got a plan. A plan to get away from here and I’ll do whatever the fuck I’ll have to do to make this plan become my reality.

I'll stop now. This is quite a long post. I hope someone takes the time to read this and maybe leaves a comment. I hope you had a great Easter weekend as well and your reality is better than mine right now.


Love, love, love

Sab

Just another week in paradise.

So on Friday the 16th the boyfriend came over again (FINALLY). It’s been about 2 months since we last saw each other. You might think 2 months aren’t that long…believe me it’s bloody long and I hated every second. You want to know where he’s been? At home of course. He lives in England, I live in Germany.

Long distance relationship….hurray….NOT!

It’s been about 1 year and 8 months (I think) since he first tweeted me. It all started when he offered me a cup of tea on twitter. I fell for him instantly. And now here we are, in a relationship for 1 and a half years. Oh time flies.

But as much as I love him, it’s not always easy. He’s been here last summer for about 2 months. Then we saw each other on new years and spent about 10 days together. And now he came over on the 16th for another 10 days. We can’t spend much time together, because it’s just not possible, I have a job, he goes to uni…so we are both scant of money and time. Anyway.

Even though I had to go to work while he was here, I enjoyed every second with him. Time was rare so we had to make the best out of it. And how did we spend the few hours we had together? Snuggling. What else?! ;)
But no matter how amazing the time is you spent together, soon there comes the day when you have to say goodbye again, he’ll get on a flight and you’ll both have to fall asleep alone again. I can tell you, it’s horrible. I thought saying goodbye would get easier with time but it doesn’t. No, actually it gets harder. Because all you think is: “Now we have to say goodbye again. Again, again, again. When will this end?” Well, it’s gonna take a while. It’s not that easy. You need patience and hope and money of course!

Usually, when we are at the airport, saying goodbye, at least one of us (me) or even both are crying. This time it was different, we didn’t cry at all. And I can tell you why. We gonna see each other again in about 11 days in London! This made everything a lot easier, knowing it’s only a few more days or even weeks and then you gonna see each other again. All the other times when we’ve been at the airport, we had no idea when we gonna see each other again. And this sucked big time.

When I spend time with the boyfriend, I’m a completely different person. I’m me. I don’t worry about stuff like I usually do. I’m not depressed or upset or anything. I’m happy. He makes me happy, brings out the best in me. Even though I know he’s gonna leave again, I just try to enjoy every second with him. Of course we do argue sometimes or ignore each other because one of us (me) is a complete bitch at this moment, but this is over soon and then we are just US again. And I love this. I love him for taking me the way I am, for putting up with me. I don’t know how he does this.

And even though it’s anything but easy to be in a long distance relationship, I have to say:

It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

I appreciate his love even more, I appreciate the time we have together even more. Our love and the whole relationship just grows with every day we spend apart. And I know that this situation won’t be forever. Soon we’ll be together. Without going to the airport and saying goodbye again. We’ll be US. Together. In the same country. Forever. And I just can’t wait for this to happen.

I love you Baby.

Dear Diary...

First of all, I want to ask a question:

Imagine you could go back in time and meet your younger self –
What would you say? What advice would you give?

- Stop wearing these clothes, they make you look ridiculous?!
- Forget it, your boobs won't get any bigger?!
- Don’t waste your time on him, it’ll only last 2 weeks?!
- No, you won’t die because HE broke your heart?!
- Stop being so dramatic and concentrate on school?!

I’m asking this, because yesterday, I cleaned and rearranged my room and I found an old diary. It’s from 2006 so I was about 15 years old back then. And I can tell you, the first thing I would say is:

LEARN TO WRITE PROPERLY YOU STUPID LITTLE TWAT!

Seriously, when I started to read it all I thought was “Jesus was I really this stupid? Who the hell writes like this?” And I don’t mean the stuff I wrote about (god I can tell you it’s ridiculous!) no I mean the way I wrote…just like a proper idiot, I mean….you know what I mean!
But yeh, anyway…When I read all these pages, I didn’t know if I should start to cry or laugh. It’s was hilarious and quite disturbing at the same time. Now I can laugh about these lines I wrote, but it also remembered me of how I felt back then…it brought back (some funny) memories.

So pretty much all I wrote about was how shit school is and how I can’t wait to finish it and get a job. That was the first thing that made me realize how stupid I was. I wish I was still at school now! Seriously.
And how much I love my friends and how I never want to lose them…and guess what?Exactly, no one of them (apart from 1 or 2) are still my “friends”. People change. And how much I love this guy and how I know that he will never break my heart and that we will live happily ever after and you know what? It was over after 2 weeks. Quite funny how I wrote this…from “OMG I’M SO IN LOVE HE’S FINALLY MINE!” to “I WAS SO STUPID, FORGET WHAT I SAID A FEW PAGES BACK…HE BROKE MY HEART! I’M NOT GONNA SURVIVE THIS! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE NOW?!” And then, 5 days later: "Okay, I'm over it now."


– ah yeh…the good old times ;)

But well, that’s the thing about being 15…you’re allowed to be stupid. You don’t have to deal with a job you absolutely hate, or unpaid bills, or any other “grown up” stuff. All you worry about is: Boys and School…and Boys. That’s it. You’re allowed to moan about school. You’re allowed to think the world is going to end because HE broke your heart.

And to be fair, sometimes I wish I was 15 again. But then I read this diary and now…no thank you, I NEVER want to be 15 again. Let’s be honest, being 15 is quite hard. But then does it get any easier? When you turn 16, 18, 20, 21?! No. To be fair…it gets even worse. There are more important things to worry about. Your future for example. How are you gonna pay the bills? Where do you want to be in a few years? Or better: Where do you see yourself next year?

Growing up sucks and yes, even tho I’m 21 already, (SHUT UP (I DON'T WANT TO BE) I'M NOT AN ADULT!!!) growing up sucks. End of. But that’s life...it goes on. You grow older. Deal with it and make the best out of it.

On that note, cheers to our 15 year old selves! We may have become older now and (hopefully) a lot wiser, but somewhere deep inside of us, the 15 year old girl/boy is still there. Is she/he proud of what we became now and who we are now?! Think about it.


Sab

Oops! I did it again…

Yes, I bought this beautiful pair of red heels today, even tho I’m absolutely broke at the moment. But I just couldn’t resist (I MEAN LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE!). To be honest, when it comes to heels (or union jack stuff)…I can never resist…I’m weak, I know. But hey, I’m a bloody woman so what?! Anyway, going on a shopping spree with me isn’t very easy I can tell you. I get impatient really quickly when I don’t see anything I like…and then I get annoyed. Like really annoyed. Because, I mean think about it:

Don’t you sometimes get the feeling like when you have money and you go shopping, you never and I mean absolutely NEVER find something to buy, you look at some stuff and you think “Oh yeh, that’s nice…” but you decide to look for something better, but in the end you don’t find anything and then you go back to the thing you’ve seen before and you just buy it, even tho you know you probably won’t ever wear it. But you just have to buy it, because you’re a woman and you went to town to go shopping, you just can’t go home without something!!! And then you get home, you put it in your wardrobe and a few weeks or even month you grab that thing you bought, you look at it and you just think “Why the hell did I buy this?!”

And then…in this time of month, when you have ABSOLUTELY no money and you just can’t wait until it’s finally payday again, one of your girls comes up to you and says “let’s go shopping!” and even tho you don’t have any money, you go with her, because that’s what friends are for…and you know that a shopping spree on your own is quite boring most of the time. So you support her. You go to town, walk through the shops and then suddenly…BOOM…there’s something SO beautiful, it literally screams: “HERE I AM! YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME…YOU NEED ME! BUY ME! WEAR ME!”. And you just want to start crying, go up to the top or heel or whatever, you want to hug it and say “I’m so sorry, you are absolutely beautiful but I don’t have any money…please wait for me…it’s payday soon…I promise I’ll come back and I’ll get you out of here, I’ll take you home with me and I promise we will have some good times together!” – Yes, I’m sure you absolutely know what I mean. It’s depressing isn’t it girls?!







So yes, I spent my very last money today, I bought these heels because they’re beautiful! (I know I said this before but just LOOK AT THEM!). And I also found this cute top…RAWR!








And as I kept walking through the shops, I heard something, a whisper…it was like “Sabrinaaaa…come hereeeee…” and I followed the whispering and there it was…BOOM. A union jack shirt and it is just gorgeous.

And to be honest…if you know me…you know I’m obsessed with the union jack. Don’t ask me why. I just LOVE it! I mean it’s not like I already got a lot of union jack tops and shirts is it?!

I just love my union jack stuff…and my heels…oh my god did I already tell you how much I LOVE high heels?! Urgh. I want to wear heels 24/7. (And no, I’m not only wearing them because I’m so short (yes this goes to you Rachel! ;P)) I just love them okay? And I thought I’m gonna show you my favourite ones…so here they are:



So yeh, if there are boys who are reading this right now…I know you don’t understand. But…if you really love your girlfriend and if you really wanna show her how much you love her…take her on a shopping spree and maybe buy her a pair of heels…believe me boys, she’ll make up for it later that day ;)

Xoxo

Sab

You know its us against the world.

Yes, this is a best friend appreciation post. Since I wanted you to get to know me better, there's no other way than introducing you to my better half. (No, I'm not talking about my boyfriend right now...yes bitch, I’m talking about you):

DANNY.

I know Danny for what feels like ages now, a few years back we met sometimes because of our friends, we talked a little and stuff but to be honest we didn’t really notice each other. And from one day to another we’ve been ONE. To be honest, I can’t even tell you how this started, one day I woke up and she was just there…and now I can’t get rid of her anymore! ;P
No seriously, Danny is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. She saved my life like a million times. Without her I’d have given up long time ago. And I’m not just saying this…I really mean it. Every time I think my world is crashing down, Danny comes along and holds it together. She knows how to handle me, she knows what mood I’m in with just one look at me and she understands me without saying a word.

No one else understands, not even the boyfriend let alone the poeple who call themselves our “friends”. But I find it quite funny. No matter how hard they would try, they wouldn’t understand anyway. When we have our "moments", you will be lost (ask my boyfriend). I mean what can I say...we are just awesome you know?! haha

I love Danny. I admire this girl. She kicks my arse from time to time and she just puts up with me. No matter if I’m absolutely depressive or incredibly hyper. I can be myself around her and she still loves me. I’m a lucky bitch I can tell you.

All I wanted to say is thank you Danny. For everything you’ve done for me so far. Thank you for your support and help. You know how much I love you. Don’t ever change; you’re perfect in every single way. And I wanted to tell you: We will make it! No matter what. I’m not gonna give up on this. Not long now, you know it’s worth the wait.
Never leave me bitch.

Love, Sab

Just one of these weeks…again.

You know, when you just feel down and you think nothing’s ever gonna work out…plus I got a cold (but I’m starting to get better now).

I feel like this again since Saturday now. There’s so much stuff in my head, so much I worry about, it drives me insane. And at this point I really gotta thank my boyfriend. When I’m feeling like this, everything just annoys me and I can be a total bitch, but he's putting up with me (I don't know how he does this!). We had a big argument two nights ago, I’m not gonna tell you all that’s been said (I have been a complete bitch I tell you!) but I made it seem like I’m about to give up, like the plans I or better we have, our relationship, everything…but I’m really not!

I mean, most of the time I know that everything’s gonna work out the way I planned it, because I’m willed to do whatever it takes to get me where I want to be.
But then, some days I really just break down and cry. Some days, it just seems like the plans and dreams I have will never become reality. Some days I think I want too much.
But don’t we all feel like this sometimes? Don’t you ever have that inner feeling that you just don't belong where you are? That you can do better? That you deserve better? Well I’m feeling like this, almost every day. And I just want to change it. I don’t just wanna think or talk about it. I wanna go out and do something, do all I can.

And all I’m asking for, is living the life I want. And in this life it’s just about being happy. Simple. I don’t want much. I just want to be able to say “Yes, my life is not perfect, but I’m happy.” That’s it. Is that really too much to ask for?!

But right now I have no other choice than being patient and try being as positive as possible. I’m doing the best I can already to get where I want to, I can’t do more and that’s what really annoys me. I feel like I’m doing so much but I can’t see any success.

Anyway, all I can do now is keep going and I’m sure, soon things will change. I just have to wait (I HATE WAITING!).

So let’s all just keep calm and drink tea, the world is so much better with a good cuppa.

On that note, cheers!
Sab

Welcome to my world.

Oh hello there :)

I'm Sabrina, but you can call me Sab. I'm 21, female.

I am from germany (so please be nice, my english isn't perfect. Apologies in advance.) and currently living in a long distance relationship. I'm obsessed with high heels and tattoos but I'm a really romantic and dreamy person. I'm also obsessed with London, the union jack, music and books.
There's actually not much interesting stuff that I could tell you about me. But I'm here to share my thoughts and opinions with you. Maybe you'll get to know me better this way.

Since everyone knows that life can be a complete and utter B**** sometimes, I needed a place where I can ramble and complain and of course share my happiness. And since I never really had a diary before and hate my handwriting, I thought it would be easier to blog. You won't find any polotical or really serious stuff on here I think, all I want is to share my world with you.
So I think you should expect happy, hyper, sad, depressing, boring, funny and (maybe even) interesting posts on here ;)

I'll tell you about my life...my plans, hopes, dreams, fears. Stuff like this. Maybe you'll understand, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll read a post and think "my god this girl is depressing" or you'll burst out laughing. That's up to you. I just need to clear my mind. And I would like to hear your opinions, thoughts, advice, anything.

So this is it. I hope you'll enjoy.

Stay tuned!

Loads of love,

Sab.