Sitting, waiting, hoping...

As if this week hasn't been long and stressful enough already. All that kept me going at the moment was knowing it’ll only be 2 more weeks until I can finally move into my own place. But then...while I was at work, I got a call from my estate agent.

He told me he got a call from the landlord about the new apartment. The landlord said he is really sorry, but it looks like they won’t be able to finish the apartment until the 1^st of July. Means they have to shift the moving in date to the 1^st of August and they wanted to know if this was fine with me?!

Of course it wasn't fine for me! 

I explained that I currently live with my parents, which isn't easy because their flat is rather small and my brother sleeps on the sofa because of me. And August is still a while to go. Another 6 weeks of doing this is just too much! So he said that would be no problem, he also called some of the other people who actually should have moved in on the 1^st of July. Some said they are fine with moving in later others, like me, weren't fine with it. He’ll let the landlord know, so he can make sure that at least some of the apartments, including mine, will be ready until July.

So far so good.

But then I started thinking about it. Since I had to pay a not so small amount for my furniture upfront, I am now not able to get the money together for the deposit until July. I would be able to pay most of it but my dad would have to help me out. And since he's got his own problems at the moment, because he started working under a new contract, it doesn't look too good for him either. Means I am not sure if he’ll be able to give me the rest of the money.

The more I thought about it the more I actually regretted having said that I cannot wait until August. Because in August,  I’d definitely be able to pay everything on my own and I wouldn't have to rely on anybody. After a long conversation with my boyfriend, trying to find a solution for the whole thing and him offering me money, I decided it would be best if I call the estate agent back and let him know that August would be okay for me. Even though it pisses me off a lot.

Yes it means another 4 weeks with my parents, which isn't easy, but it also will give me more time to get the money together. So maybe it was a sign and moving in in July isn't as bad for me as I thought.

I’ll be honest, I’m quite stubborn and I HATE when I have to rely on other people. This was MY plan, MY decision so I have to be able to do this on my own. I can’t take money from my dad or my boyfriend. Because they’re not in this situation, it's not their problem and it wouldn't be fair from me to take their money. They've got enough on their own plate. I signed the contract so I have to be able to pay. No matter how.

After (finally) realising this, I called the estate agent and told him that August is okay for me now. He was rather happy about this, said the landlord actually wanted to give me a call anyways, to ask if I could please change my mind about it. So basically even if I wouldn't have made this decision, the landlord would probably have called today and told me there’s no other way than moving in in August.

So now I’ll have to wait 48 days instead of just 17. I am still quite angry about this, but I actually knew the whole time that they won’t be able to get the house done until July. It’s only 2 more weeks and the house isn't even close to being ready.

The good thing is, I’ll be able to definitely pay the deposit on my own and I’ll even have some money and time to buy more stuff. And that’s exactly what I’ll do on Saturday to cheer me up! Buy some cute pictures, lamps, carpets and a tea pot J

So, now I just hope they won’t call me at the end of July and say they have to move the date to 1^st September…….

Xx Sab

Time to go turn the page...

...and start a brand new chapter of my life! Because:

Only 24 days left until I finally move into my own apartment. Exciting times!

45 square meters of prettiness just for ME. I cannot wait! The last time I went in there, my apartment still looked like this:

Not so pretty (yet) and quite grey but the builders are still hard at work every day, so I can move in on the 1^st of July.

Since I threw or gave all of my furniture away just before I moved to England last year, I had to buy everything new. With everything, I mean EVERYTHING! A kitchen, a bed, a TV, a sofa, a fridge, a washing machine and clothes dryer, a cupboard for the living room, cupboards for the bedroom. Unfortunately though, that’s not even HALF the stuff I need. I still have no furniture for the bathroom, no table and chairs for the kitchen, no table for the living room, no dishes, no glasses, no cups, no pots, no towels, no curtains, no carpets, no pictures to put on the walls, no bookshelf, no…..I could go on for days!

Luckily my nana has really good taste in decorations and stuff so she will help me out with this. My other grandma is coming over this week and already called me 3 weeks ago to ask me what I still need for the apartment. She said she packed a huuuuge box with various stuff. It feels a bit like Chriiiiistmaaaaas! Plus my dad and mum are racking their brains for weeks now, to find the perfect gift for when I move in. Cute!

On Saturday next week I’ll probably grab my mum and go to a furniture shop to find all the small things like curtains and carpets and pictures and definitely a mirror for the bathroom and a table and chairs.

Now I cannot wait to finally move in and I’m so excited I might burst! But when I first thought about getting my own place, I shat my pants. Seriously. I’m not scared of living alone and having to do everything on my own like cooking and cleaning and washing. Though it’s nice that my mum does all this at the moment, and been doing it my whole life, it’s about time that I stand on my own two feet.

What scared me the most was the money. Obviously. Paying rent, electricity, water and all the other bills. I sat down every evening for weeks, to calculate and see if the money I earn at the moment will be enough. It will be, definitely. But I am so used to spending my money on shit stuff I don’t need, just for the sake of it, that it’s going be quite hard for me the first few months to properly decide what I REALLY need and what I don’t.

But then, after a huge kick in the arse from my dad (thank you for this daddy, you're the best!), I finally decided to do it! To just take the apartment. I decided it’s time to stop worrying about stuff that didn't happen yet and that might never even happen. It’ll either go wrong and I’ll get into huge trouble or it’ll go great and I’ll be happier than ever. Who knows?! 

Right now I am just looking on the bright side, I can cook whatever I want, I can bake whatever I want, I can watch shit on the telly without having anyone complaining about it, I can be in a bad mood without having someone asking “Why are you like this? What is wrong? Why are you such a terrible person?!” (nana, this one’s for you! ;P) but most importantly, I can sleep as long as I like on the weekend! No one will be there to tell me to gte my arse out of bed! Oh heaven!

I am really looking forward to this new chapter in my life and I just cannot wait for the 1^st of July. It’ll be a lot of work to get everything done and make it look like I want it to look like, but it’ll be SO worth it!

What about you? Do you still live with your parents or do you have your own spage already? If so, how was it for you? Easy? Hard? Scary? Or simply the best time of your life so far? I would love to hear about it. Just leave a comment down there ↓ J

So for now, that’s it. I will definitely keep you updated on the progress, once I finally have the keys to my “castle” ;)

Sab x

I'm feeling 22....

I was off work on Thursday and Friday last week. Thanks to a bank holiday on Thursday and an extension on the Friday (the company I work for is just awesome).

So when I went to work on Wednesday I had a few colleagues asking what I had planned for the long weekend. My answer: Sleeping. Their answer: Laughing.

It’s always like this, every Friday at least one of my colleagues asks what I have planned for the weekend and they always get the same answer. Sleeping.

And then I get to hear stuff like “But you’re young! When I was your age I was pissed every weekend and just had a great time going out! What is wrong with you?!” - I mean seriously? Nothing is wrong with me. Yes I might be ONLY 22 but what’s so wrong with staying at home on the weekend? It’s not like I’m sitting there complaining or crying or anything. What’s so wrong about not being the type of girl who loves to go out and party and loves to get drunk and do, god knows what?!

I’m the type of girl who likes spending time with her family and enjoys a good cuppa. Who’s happy about the fact that she actually has some time on the weekend to read a book and who loves nothing more than knowing that there won’t be an alarm the next morning, no need to get out of bed. I enjoy walking about in pyjama, messy hair, no make up! And I just love sleeping okay?!

I could sleep all day, every day!

So for me, there’s nothing wrong with this. I get up at 6 every morning, I get home at 7. I only get a maximum of 5 hours sleep every night. I deserve doing absolutely nothing on the weekend and sleeping as long as possible even though I am “only 22”.

I mean, it’s not like I don’t go out at all. I enjoy going to the pub, have a few drinks. Sometimes I really feel like dressing up and going out and all that stuff.

Only Saturday wasn't one of these days. My little sister Cathy decided she wants to go out with us. And by us I mean me and my parents and a friend of the family. Because IF I go out, I always go out with my parents, I’ll admit I don’t really have any friends here anymore and since the bestie is now living in London…well….and I have to be honest, I enjoy it because my parents (especially my dad) are fun! But the best thing is, if a guy comes up and actually starts talking to me or tries to dance with me, I look at him and just scream “DAAAAD!” and as soon as the guy sees my dad walking over…he’s shitting himself and leaves. And then I get a high 5 and a drink from my dad. Nice.

Anyway, like I said I couldn't be bothered to go out. First thing I said to my sister: “Nope, no money!” But then dad was like “SHE’S GOING!” and I’m really bad in saying no to my dad, also he said he’ll pay so did I have a choice? Not really.

So we dressed up and went to a club. There was a spring break party going on with a wet t-shirt contest and all that stuff. Wasn't really a highlight since the girls weren't really pretty, the boobs weren't big and the shirt weren't white. BOOOORING. And the guys, well.......

We had a few drinks, danced and watched the “show”. But suddenly I started to feel really bad. I felt like I was about to pass out any minute. Had to go get some fresh air and slowly started to feel better again. But that was around 2 o’clock already and I was tired. Luckily my dad was so disappointed about the outcome of the contest he couldn't be bothered anymore either haha

And then I spent the whole Sunday in my pyjama, with loads of tea and funny conversations with my parents. Such a lovely day!

Now, what about you? Are you rather going out on the weekends or do you enjoy staying at home and doing nothing?

Personally I think yes, I am only 22 and I am still very young and maybe I am a horribly boring person, but you know what? I love being boring.

xxx

Sab

Moving away, moving back, moving on.

So yesterday in my post, I said “It feels like yesterday that I….quit my job or moved to England and then moved back to Germany”. And I also said that’s “another story”.

Are you ready to hear it?

Right, so in August last year I finally did what I’ve been planning and dreaming about for years: I moved to England. Sunderland, to be more specific.

I quit my job, booked a flight, packed my bags, said goodbye to my family (basically it was more of a crying-my-eyes-out thing) and hopped on the plane.

And then there I was, with my boyfriend, meeting his parents and his brother for the first time. I guess I don’t have to tell you that I was terrified.

But there was absolutely no reason for that. They’ve all been lovely and it didn’t take long until I felt like this is “home”.

I was actually planning to go down to London a week after I arrived. For a job interview but (after a long talk with the boyfriend and his brother and god knows who), I wasn’t so sure anymore if this would be the right thing to do so I basically took the easy way out and stayed in Sunderland.

Looking back at this now, I don’t think it was the best decision I’ve ever made. But at this point I was happy with my it. I had a place to sleep, some lovely people around me and even found some new friends. And Sunderland itself isn’t too bad either. I was happy.

But reality kicked in soon and I realised this is not just a holiday trip. I had to find a job. QUICK!

Easier said than done, I’ve sent out application after application, but nothing.

It was a pain to get all the documents for my national insurance number, a bank account and other stuff that you just need when you’re a “grown-up” deciding to move to another country. (Stupid proof of address shit!)

But even when I had all the documents and was basically ready to finally start my “new life”, I still didn’t have a job and there weren’t many positions I could’ve applied for. Let’s just say, within these 4 Months I had one, yes ONE, job interview and as you can see, I didn’t get that job.

I went to see my family at the beginning of November because I really missed them and I needed some comforting.

As I went back to England, I had a long chat with my boyfriend and decided it was for the best to start looking for jobs in germany as well. Believe me I was more than upset about this. But I slowly ran out of money…after I spent most of it on clothes and books (and sweets) and I started to get bored and basically just felt completely useless because of the job situation. It wasn’t easy.

One of my old colleagues sent me an email with a vacancy of a really great position at my old company; of course I applied for it. Not long after that I got a call and they invited me for a job interview.

I took the last 250€ I had and booked a train ticket to germany. Flying with two 50 kg suitcases and a 25 kg hand luggage would have been a bit too expensive. And you don’t even want to know how much stuff I still had to leave at the boyfriends place!

I went to the job interview a few days later but didn’t hear back from them for a loooong time.

But then I got a call, again one of my old colleagues, telling me she’s heard I’m back and she would like to offer me a job (again). I didn’t have to think about it twice this time.

And now since February this year I am back in the coolest company ever and I am more than happy about this.

But this also means I’m back in germany and since my parents have a pretty small flat now, I live with my grandma, again.

It took me a while to get used to this again. I’ve been down for several weeks after I came back. I wasn’t very happy with myself. Like, I wasn’t good enough and didn’t try hard enough. And even though I haven’t been in Sunderland for too long, it feels like home now. And I do miss everything about it.

But now I’m quite okay with my situation. I have a great job and I’m back with my family and the (two) friends (I have now, since the bestie is still living in London).

A lot of other things are going on as well right now, but you’ll have to wait until I write about this….in another post.

Xxx

Sabrina

What the actual fuck happened to my life?!

Monday, June 4^th…it’s time to take a deep breath. Things have changed a lot for me in the last few weeks. But let’s start here:

About 7 weeks ago my parents received a letter…we were forced to move out. They gave us 4 weeks. 4 weeks to find a flat, to plan the move, to pack our stuff and to paint the house. We were shocked, but my dad was my dad and did what he always does when we face such terrifying problems; he keeps us going. His decisions might not always be right but at least he always has a plan and knows what to do. But this time it was a bit harder, we spent the first 2 weeks with trying to find a flat, which wasn’t easy. Since my parents knew that I want to leave in august, they’ve been looking for 2-3 bedroom apartments for them and my little brother. But there was literally nothing.

From the 14^th until the 28^th of May I took some days off work, I actually planned to go and see my boyfriend but when the letter arrived two weeks before that, I knew god had other plans for me during my holiday. My parents still hadn’t found a flat and we ran out of time so we had no other choice than starting to pack our stuff.  (I still cannot believe my whole life fits into 6 boxes and one bloody suitcase!)

In the meantime my parents got some appointments to look at flats. Then came the day when we left. So on the last night in my own bed my room looked like this:

Since my parents still hadn’t found a flat, my dad had to rent a 45 square meter flat so we were able to store our furniture and boxes and stuff somewhere and we all had to move in with my nana. This means, 7 people on 75 square meters, oh joy. So no more own room, no more own bed, no more own tv, no space for the computer which means no more skype with the boyfriend. When I thought about it, I was sure I wouldn't survive it!

My parents got their own, small room with a sleeping sofa in it. My brother took the sofa in the living room and I had to share a bed with my nana, my nephew and my sister. And even tho my nephew is only 17 months old and quite small, he took most of the space in bed. Some nights I woke up because he was lying on top of me or kicked me in the back and some mornings I woke up because he kicked me in the face while he slept. I had some great fun….NOT. You’re always around people and you don’t even have 5 minutes to yourself. Me nana was quite annoyed after a few days already because the place wasn’t as clean anymore as she’s used to it. But what do you expect with 6 people, a dog and a 17 month old toddler on 75 square meters?! But somehow we managed to keep it as clean as possible and everyone was quite okay with the situation after a few days.

But yeh, I spent the first week of my holidays with getting up at 7 in the morning and coming back late in the evening, carrying boxes and furniture to the car, throwing old stuff away and carrying more heavy stuff. But we’ve been quite fast and so our old 250 square meter flat was empty soon. Then came the second week of my holidays and we had to paint the whole house, it was terrible, the walls are in a quite weird shape (you actually don’t paint them but spray them with a weird machine which my dad couldn't find ANYWHERE!) but we did our best, painting, singing, laughing, cleaning. We’ve been quite relieved and happy with our work at the end of the week.

Then my parents finally got a call and got told that they can move into one of the flats they’ve been looking at. FINALLY. The flat isn’t as big as our old one but since they’re only 3 people now it’s absolutely fine and the flat is quite amazing actually. My sister still hasn’t found a flat tho so it seems like she’ll stay with me and the nana until she got something. Anyway, on Friday my dad got the keys and they were able to move in. And again, let’s carry some furniture and boxes because it’s such great fun! I was happy that my parents only needed my help on Friday so I had the weekend to myself. They picked up their last stuff yesterday and even tho there’s still pure chaos in their new flat, it’s starting to look like home for them.

We still have some problems with our old landlord but dad wouldn’t be my dad if he wouldn’t have a plan already. I’m glad things are starting to get a bit better again now. There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. Yes I actually still don’t really have a “home” anymore and living with my nana is NOT easy but at least I finally have my own bed again, well yeh it’s the sleep sofa at my nanas but at least I don’t have to share it anymore and I got my own room again. I have privacy again! Thanks god! But still things have changed a lot and I still have to get used to this situation. And more things are to come but I shall tell you about this later.

Xo Sab

 PS: I miss my bed terribly :'(

Expect the best, plan for the worst and prepare to be surprised.

As a lot of you already know: I am still planning to move to England. Get out of this shit whole and move on to pastures new.

BUT my plans of leaving this shitty country always, and I mean ALWAYS, get ruined. No matter how good my plans are, no matter how prepared I am...something happens, more bad than good stuff, and I have to start planning again. I start to think that this is a sign. Maybe I am not supposed to move away, maybe I have to stay here my whole life and be unhappy, because this is god’s plan for me! “Sabrina wants to be happy?! Fuck that I won’t let this happen! Let’s ruin her plans until she gives up!” - Thanks for that God!

A few years back, I’ve suddenly been sure about the fact that I will never be happy here and that I want to move away, not just move out of my parents’ home and get my own flat in the next town, no. I want something different, completely different. I am sick of Germany; I am sick of the people, the language, the country, and the government, just everything! And I like England, I like the country, the people, the language, I just like it. And shut up about the weather! Yes it does rain in England but do you think its better in Germany? No. It’s pretty much the same, I can live with that.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

Then one day, voilà the boyfriend appeared on my screen. A cute English guy, who caught my attention immediately. Right from the start, I knew that I cannot imagine my future without him. This encouraged my view on moving away even more.

Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.

So the bestie (yes she’s gonna come with me) and me started planning a long time ago. And we realised it’s a lot harder than we thought at the beginning, but it was okay. We planned, a lot. Got all the information and thought about the best way to do it. After months of trying to save money and setting different dates and then always postponing them, we finally had the ultimate plan. She’s gonna go to London for a few months as an au pair, I’ll stay in germany and work till my contract ends and then move in with the boyfriend. At least until I found a job and me and the bestie found a flat together. Sounds easy, but (still) isn’t. I am not gonna tell you every detail, because it's a long and not really nice story and actually my family problems are not your buisness. Just so much:

I am scared. I am honestly shitting my pants. But now, I have no other choice. My parents gonna move out of the house and move in to a two bedroom apartment with my brother and my sister’s gonna move away with her son as well. Since I actually won’t have a home anymore, I have no other choice than leaving in august. Because I do not want to stay here any longer and I will not get my own flat here because I still need to save money! I’m gonna stay with my nana or my sister for the next 2 months until I can finally go over to the boyfriend. I thought.

Good fortune is what happens, when opportunity meets planning.

And now?! My plans are upside down again. AGAIN! My contract would end in July but now they offered me a new position, starting in August for another year! Another year? This means I'd have to get my own flat here, in shitty land. Can I really stay here another year? Push back my plans and dreams again? The boyfriend AND the bestie won’t be impressed. It’s a brilliant opportunity though, would look marvellous in my CV...but can I do it? Mentally? I don’t know. I have to think about this now. Maybe do a pro and contra list?! Urgh! I don't even know why I wrote about this now, I just had to get it out of my mind, too much stuff is in my head right now, it might explode. Anyway....

But what would you do? Got some advice, anything?

Till then,

Sab

X