Just another week in paradise.

So on Friday the 16th the boyfriend came over again (FINALLY). It’s been about 2 months since we last saw each other. You might think 2 months aren’t that long…believe me it’s bloody long and I hated every second. You want to know where he’s been? At home of course. He lives in England, I live in Germany.

Long distance relationship….hurray….NOT!

It’s been about 1 year and 8 months (I think) since he first tweeted me. It all started when he offered me a cup of tea on twitter. I fell for him instantly. And now here we are, in a relationship for 1 and a half years. Oh time flies.

But as much as I love him, it’s not always easy. He’s been here last summer for about 2 months. Then we saw each other on new years and spent about 10 days together. And now he came over on the 16th for another 10 days. We can’t spend much time together, because it’s just not possible, I have a job, he goes to uni…so we are both scant of money and time. Anyway.

Even though I had to go to work while he was here, I enjoyed every second with him. Time was rare so we had to make the best out of it. And how did we spend the few hours we had together? Snuggling. What else?! ;)
But no matter how amazing the time is you spent together, soon there comes the day when you have to say goodbye again, he’ll get on a flight and you’ll both have to fall asleep alone again. I can tell you, it’s horrible. I thought saying goodbye would get easier with time but it doesn’t. No, actually it gets harder. Because all you think is: “Now we have to say goodbye again. Again, again, again. When will this end?” Well, it’s gonna take a while. It’s not that easy. You need patience and hope and money of course!

Usually, when we are at the airport, saying goodbye, at least one of us (me) or even both are crying. This time it was different, we didn’t cry at all. And I can tell you why. We gonna see each other again in about 11 days in London! This made everything a lot easier, knowing it’s only a few more days or even weeks and then you gonna see each other again. All the other times when we’ve been at the airport, we had no idea when we gonna see each other again. And this sucked big time.

When I spend time with the boyfriend, I’m a completely different person. I’m me. I don’t worry about stuff like I usually do. I’m not depressed or upset or anything. I’m happy. He makes me happy, brings out the best in me. Even though I know he’s gonna leave again, I just try to enjoy every second with him. Of course we do argue sometimes or ignore each other because one of us (me) is a complete bitch at this moment, but this is over soon and then we are just US again. And I love this. I love him for taking me the way I am, for putting up with me. I don’t know how he does this.

And even though it’s anything but easy to be in a long distance relationship, I have to say:

It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

I appreciate his love even more, I appreciate the time we have together even more. Our love and the whole relationship just grows with every day we spend apart. And I know that this situation won’t be forever. Soon we’ll be together. Without going to the airport and saying goodbye again. We’ll be US. Together. In the same country. Forever. And I just can’t wait for this to happen.

I love you Baby.

Dear Diary...

First of all, I want to ask a question:

Imagine you could go back in time and meet your younger self –
What would you say? What advice would you give?

- Stop wearing these clothes, they make you look ridiculous?!
- Forget it, your boobs won't get any bigger?!
- Don’t waste your time on him, it’ll only last 2 weeks?!
- No, you won’t die because HE broke your heart?!
- Stop being so dramatic and concentrate on school?!

I’m asking this, because yesterday, I cleaned and rearranged my room and I found an old diary. It’s from 2006 so I was about 15 years old back then. And I can tell you, the first thing I would say is:

LEARN TO WRITE PROPERLY YOU STUPID LITTLE TWAT!

Seriously, when I started to read it all I thought was “Jesus was I really this stupid? Who the hell writes like this?” And I don’t mean the stuff I wrote about (god I can tell you it’s ridiculous!) no I mean the way I wrote…just like a proper idiot, I mean….you know what I mean!
But yeh, anyway…When I read all these pages, I didn’t know if I should start to cry or laugh. It’s was hilarious and quite disturbing at the same time. Now I can laugh about these lines I wrote, but it also remembered me of how I felt back then…it brought back (some funny) memories.

So pretty much all I wrote about was how shit school is and how I can’t wait to finish it and get a job. That was the first thing that made me realize how stupid I was. I wish I was still at school now! Seriously.
And how much I love my friends and how I never want to lose them…and guess what?Exactly, no one of them (apart from 1 or 2) are still my “friends”. People change. And how much I love this guy and how I know that he will never break my heart and that we will live happily ever after and you know what? It was over after 2 weeks. Quite funny how I wrote this…from “OMG I’M SO IN LOVE HE’S FINALLY MINE!” to “I WAS SO STUPID, FORGET WHAT I SAID A FEW PAGES BACK…HE BROKE MY HEART! I’M NOT GONNA SURVIVE THIS! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE NOW?!” And then, 5 days later: "Okay, I'm over it now."


– ah yeh…the good old times ;)

But well, that’s the thing about being 15…you’re allowed to be stupid. You don’t have to deal with a job you absolutely hate, or unpaid bills, or any other “grown up” stuff. All you worry about is: Boys and School…and Boys. That’s it. You’re allowed to moan about school. You’re allowed to think the world is going to end because HE broke your heart.

And to be fair, sometimes I wish I was 15 again. But then I read this diary and now…no thank you, I NEVER want to be 15 again. Let’s be honest, being 15 is quite hard. But then does it get any easier? When you turn 16, 18, 20, 21?! No. To be fair…it gets even worse. There are more important things to worry about. Your future for example. How are you gonna pay the bills? Where do you want to be in a few years? Or better: Where do you see yourself next year?

Growing up sucks and yes, even tho I’m 21 already, (SHUT UP (I DON'T WANT TO BE) I'M NOT AN ADULT!!!) growing up sucks. End of. But that’s life...it goes on. You grow older. Deal with it and make the best out of it.

On that note, cheers to our 15 year old selves! We may have become older now and (hopefully) a lot wiser, but somewhere deep inside of us, the 15 year old girl/boy is still there. Is she/he proud of what we became now and who we are now?! Think about it.


Sab

Oops! I did it again…

Yes, I bought this beautiful pair of red heels today, even tho I’m absolutely broke at the moment. But I just couldn’t resist (I MEAN LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE!). To be honest, when it comes to heels (or union jack stuff)…I can never resist…I’m weak, I know. But hey, I’m a bloody woman so what?! Anyway, going on a shopping spree with me isn’t very easy I can tell you. I get impatient really quickly when I don’t see anything I like…and then I get annoyed. Like really annoyed. Because, I mean think about it:

Don’t you sometimes get the feeling like when you have money and you go shopping, you never and I mean absolutely NEVER find something to buy, you look at some stuff and you think “Oh yeh, that’s nice…” but you decide to look for something better, but in the end you don’t find anything and then you go back to the thing you’ve seen before and you just buy it, even tho you know you probably won’t ever wear it. But you just have to buy it, because you’re a woman and you went to town to go shopping, you just can’t go home without something!!! And then you get home, you put it in your wardrobe and a few weeks or even month you grab that thing you bought, you look at it and you just think “Why the hell did I buy this?!”

And then…in this time of month, when you have ABSOLUTELY no money and you just can’t wait until it’s finally payday again, one of your girls comes up to you and says “let’s go shopping!” and even tho you don’t have any money, you go with her, because that’s what friends are for…and you know that a shopping spree on your own is quite boring most of the time. So you support her. You go to town, walk through the shops and then suddenly…BOOM…there’s something SO beautiful, it literally screams: “HERE I AM! YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME…YOU NEED ME! BUY ME! WEAR ME!”. And you just want to start crying, go up to the top or heel or whatever, you want to hug it and say “I’m so sorry, you are absolutely beautiful but I don’t have any money…please wait for me…it’s payday soon…I promise I’ll come back and I’ll get you out of here, I’ll take you home with me and I promise we will have some good times together!” – Yes, I’m sure you absolutely know what I mean. It’s depressing isn’t it girls?!







So yes, I spent my very last money today, I bought these heels because they’re beautiful! (I know I said this before but just LOOK AT THEM!). And I also found this cute top…RAWR!








And as I kept walking through the shops, I heard something, a whisper…it was like “Sabrinaaaa…come hereeeee…” and I followed the whispering and there it was…BOOM. A union jack shirt and it is just gorgeous.

And to be honest…if you know me…you know I’m obsessed with the union jack. Don’t ask me why. I just LOVE it! I mean it’s not like I already got a lot of union jack tops and shirts is it?!

I just love my union jack stuff…and my heels…oh my god did I already tell you how much I LOVE high heels?! Urgh. I want to wear heels 24/7. (And no, I’m not only wearing them because I’m so short (yes this goes to you Rachel! ;P)) I just love them okay? And I thought I’m gonna show you my favourite ones…so here they are:



So yeh, if there are boys who are reading this right now…I know you don’t understand. But…if you really love your girlfriend and if you really wanna show her how much you love her…take her on a shopping spree and maybe buy her a pair of heels…believe me boys, she’ll make up for it later that day ;)

Xoxo

Sab

You know its us against the world.

Yes, this is a best friend appreciation post. Since I wanted you to get to know me better, there's no other way than introducing you to my better half. (No, I'm not talking about my boyfriend right now...yes bitch, I’m talking about you):

DANNY.

I know Danny for what feels like ages now, a few years back we met sometimes because of our friends, we talked a little and stuff but to be honest we didn’t really notice each other. And from one day to another we’ve been ONE. To be honest, I can’t even tell you how this started, one day I woke up and she was just there…and now I can’t get rid of her anymore! ;P
No seriously, Danny is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. She saved my life like a million times. Without her I’d have given up long time ago. And I’m not just saying this…I really mean it. Every time I think my world is crashing down, Danny comes along and holds it together. She knows how to handle me, she knows what mood I’m in with just one look at me and she understands me without saying a word.

No one else understands, not even the boyfriend let alone the poeple who call themselves our “friends”. But I find it quite funny. No matter how hard they would try, they wouldn’t understand anyway. When we have our "moments", you will be lost (ask my boyfriend). I mean what can I say...we are just awesome you know?! haha

I love Danny. I admire this girl. She kicks my arse from time to time and she just puts up with me. No matter if I’m absolutely depressive or incredibly hyper. I can be myself around her and she still loves me. I’m a lucky bitch I can tell you.

All I wanted to say is thank you Danny. For everything you’ve done for me so far. Thank you for your support and help. You know how much I love you. Don’t ever change; you’re perfect in every single way. And I wanted to tell you: We will make it! No matter what. I’m not gonna give up on this. Not long now, you know it’s worth the wait.
Never leave me bitch.

Love, Sab

Just one of these weeks…again.

You know, when you just feel down and you think nothing’s ever gonna work out…plus I got a cold (but I’m starting to get better now).

I feel like this again since Saturday now. There’s so much stuff in my head, so much I worry about, it drives me insane. And at this point I really gotta thank my boyfriend. When I’m feeling like this, everything just annoys me and I can be a total bitch, but he's putting up with me (I don't know how he does this!). We had a big argument two nights ago, I’m not gonna tell you all that’s been said (I have been a complete bitch I tell you!) but I made it seem like I’m about to give up, like the plans I or better we have, our relationship, everything…but I’m really not!

I mean, most of the time I know that everything’s gonna work out the way I planned it, because I’m willed to do whatever it takes to get me where I want to be.
But then, some days I really just break down and cry. Some days, it just seems like the plans and dreams I have will never become reality. Some days I think I want too much.
But don’t we all feel like this sometimes? Don’t you ever have that inner feeling that you just don't belong where you are? That you can do better? That you deserve better? Well I’m feeling like this, almost every day. And I just want to change it. I don’t just wanna think or talk about it. I wanna go out and do something, do all I can.

And all I’m asking for, is living the life I want. And in this life it’s just about being happy. Simple. I don’t want much. I just want to be able to say “Yes, my life is not perfect, but I’m happy.” That’s it. Is that really too much to ask for?!

But right now I have no other choice than being patient and try being as positive as possible. I’m doing the best I can already to get where I want to, I can’t do more and that’s what really annoys me. I feel like I’m doing so much but I can’t see any success.

Anyway, all I can do now is keep going and I’m sure, soon things will change. I just have to wait (I HATE WAITING!).

So let’s all just keep calm and drink tea, the world is so much better with a good cuppa.

On that note, cheers!
Sab

Welcome to my world.

Oh hello there :)

I'm Sabrina, but you can call me Sab. I'm 21, female.

I am from germany (so please be nice, my english isn't perfect. Apologies in advance.) and currently living in a long distance relationship. I'm obsessed with high heels and tattoos but I'm a really romantic and dreamy person. I'm also obsessed with London, the union jack, music and books.
There's actually not much interesting stuff that I could tell you about me. But I'm here to share my thoughts and opinions with you. Maybe you'll get to know me better this way.

Since everyone knows that life can be a complete and utter B**** sometimes, I needed a place where I can ramble and complain and of course share my happiness. And since I never really had a diary before and hate my handwriting, I thought it would be easier to blog. You won't find any polotical or really serious stuff on here I think, all I want is to share my world with you.
So I think you should expect happy, hyper, sad, depressing, boring, funny and (maybe even) interesting posts on here ;)

I'll tell you about my life...my plans, hopes, dreams, fears. Stuff like this. Maybe you'll understand, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll read a post and think "my god this girl is depressing" or you'll burst out laughing. That's up to you. I just need to clear my mind. And I would like to hear your opinions, thoughts, advice, anything.

So this is it. I hope you'll enjoy.

Stay tuned!

Loads of love,

Sab.