The grandma situation

So in case you've read my last post, you should know by now that I currently live with my nana. It wouldn't be so bad actually; I have my own room, a TV, a bed (which is more or less a sofa that gives me terrible back and neck pain but at least I don’t have to sleep on the floor or share a bed with nana), a  wardrobe for all my clothes and books and when I get home after work dinner is ready and all I have to do is sit down and eat.

But and this is a massive BUT, my nana is exhausting! I mean don’t get me wrong, I do love her and she does A LOT for me and I am so thankful for that, but since my grandpa died, she is simply exhausting. I have absolutely no idea how to handle her sometimes. And since we are both stubborn and always want to be right, we are like cat and dog at the moment. Which is ridiculous.

So on the weekends I stay with my parents. Now let me give you an example of what my grandma is like. Mum is picking me up every Friday. And every Friday my grandma and I have this conversation:

Nana: “So are you gonna come back?” (in a really serious and angry tone!)

Me: “Really grandma?! Of course! On Sunday!”

Nana: “Well I have to ask.” (again, serious and angry!)

Me: “right.”

So I’m leaving, spending Friday evening to Sunday afternoon/evening at my parents place. When I get back to grandma on Sunday I get to hear:

Me: “Hi grandma, you’re okay?”

Nana: “Hello”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Nana: “Why didn’t you call? I’m alone the whole Saturday and you didn’t even call. Do you know what it’s like to be alone the whole day? No one cares about me. No one asks about me! I could drop dead in this flat and you wouldn't even notice until you came back! I’m doing so much for you and you’re always just angry with me. I don’t even know what to say to you anymore. Every time I say something you get angry and you shout at me and I just don’t understand!......blah blah blah.”

I am away for 48 hours, not 48 years! What the?! And these are two of the most harmless arguments we have!

And if you think now: “Well, leave her alone. She’s old and she lost her husband and blaaaah.” You might be right but no, my grandma isn't THAT old. 80-90 that’s old. But my grandma is only 66! And yes she lost her husband but she needs to understand that she’s not the only one who lost someone. The whole family did. I pretty much grew up at my grandparents place. I spent all the school holidays and all the weekends there. Until I started my apprenticeship in 2007. So I miss my grandpa just as much as she does. But I am not behaving like she does, she wants everyone to feel sorry for her, seeking attention from everybody, it is just EXHAUSTING. I can’t deal with it. I can’t speak about what happened every day and talk about what we would do if grandpa was here now whatsoever. But what I know is: If my grandpa would still be alive and she would behave like she does at the moment, he would kick her bloody arse!

Everyone is handling grief in a different way, I know.  I got depression had to go see a psychologist and take anti-depressants for a few months (but let me tell you, it wasn't JUST because of my grandpa, but it definitely was the trigger to all bad). But her, you never know if she’s in a good or bad mood. It’s not like she doesn't have friends or goes out a lot. She does! She’s got people to talk to. She’s not as ALONE as she says she is.

I think I may have to find a man for her, but maybe that would be a bit too far after 44 years of marriage. Maybe a hobby could do. Any ideas/suggestions would be HIGHLY appreciated!

I love her, I really do and I do understand her (at least a bit), but she has to realise that I have my own life and my own things to worry and think about. And she’s just driving me nuts with her being in a bad mood just because she’s bored!

You might think I am a cold-hearted bitch, but I dare you to spend only 24 hours with my nana. If you still think I am the bitch, I’ll raise my hat to you!

Anyway, see you soon.

Xxx

Sabrina