I'm feeling 22....

I was off work on Thursday and Friday last week. Thanks to a bank holiday on Thursday and an extension on the Friday (the company I work for is just awesome).

So when I went to work on Wednesday I had a few colleagues asking what I had planned for the long weekend. My answer: Sleeping. Their answer: Laughing.

It’s always like this, every Friday at least one of my colleagues asks what I have planned for the weekend and they always get the same answer. Sleeping.

And then I get to hear stuff like “But you’re young! When I was your age I was pissed every weekend and just had a great time going out! What is wrong with you?!” - I mean seriously? Nothing is wrong with me. Yes I might be ONLY 22 but what’s so wrong with staying at home on the weekend? It’s not like I’m sitting there complaining or crying or anything. What’s so wrong about not being the type of girl who loves to go out and party and loves to get drunk and do, god knows what?!

I’m the type of girl who likes spending time with her family and enjoys a good cuppa. Who’s happy about the fact that she actually has some time on the weekend to read a book and who loves nothing more than knowing that there won’t be an alarm the next morning, no need to get out of bed. I enjoy walking about in pyjama, messy hair, no make up! And I just love sleeping okay?!

I could sleep all day, every day!

So for me, there’s nothing wrong with this. I get up at 6 every morning, I get home at 7. I only get a maximum of 5 hours sleep every night. I deserve doing absolutely nothing on the weekend and sleeping as long as possible even though I am “only 22”.

I mean, it’s not like I don’t go out at all. I enjoy going to the pub, have a few drinks. Sometimes I really feel like dressing up and going out and all that stuff.

Only Saturday wasn't one of these days. My little sister Cathy decided she wants to go out with us. And by us I mean me and my parents and a friend of the family. Because IF I go out, I always go out with my parents, I’ll admit I don’t really have any friends here anymore and since the bestie is now living in London…well….and I have to be honest, I enjoy it because my parents (especially my dad) are fun! But the best thing is, if a guy comes up and actually starts talking to me or tries to dance with me, I look at him and just scream “DAAAAD!” and as soon as the guy sees my dad walking over…he’s shitting himself and leaves. And then I get a high 5 and a drink from my dad. Nice.

Anyway, like I said I couldn't be bothered to go out. First thing I said to my sister: “Nope, no money!” But then dad was like “SHE’S GOING!” and I’m really bad in saying no to my dad, also he said he’ll pay so did I have a choice? Not really.

So we dressed up and went to a club. There was a spring break party going on with a wet t-shirt contest and all that stuff. Wasn't really a highlight since the girls weren't really pretty, the boobs weren't big and the shirt weren't white. BOOOORING. And the guys, well.......

We had a few drinks, danced and watched the “show”. But suddenly I started to feel really bad. I felt like I was about to pass out any minute. Had to go get some fresh air and slowly started to feel better again. But that was around 2 o’clock already and I was tired. Luckily my dad was so disappointed about the outcome of the contest he couldn't be bothered anymore either haha

And then I spent the whole Sunday in my pyjama, with loads of tea and funny conversations with my parents. Such a lovely day!

Now, what about you? Are you rather going out on the weekends or do you enjoy staying at home and doing nothing?

Personally I think yes, I am only 22 and I am still very young and maybe I am a horribly boring person, but you know what? I love being boring.

xxx

Sab

The grandma situation

So in case you've read my last post, you should know by now that I currently live with my nana. It wouldn't be so bad actually; I have my own room, a TV, a bed (which is more or less a sofa that gives me terrible back and neck pain but at least I don’t have to sleep on the floor or share a bed with nana), a  wardrobe for all my clothes and books and when I get home after work dinner is ready and all I have to do is sit down and eat.

But and this is a massive BUT, my nana is exhausting! I mean don’t get me wrong, I do love her and she does A LOT for me and I am so thankful for that, but since my grandpa died, she is simply exhausting. I have absolutely no idea how to handle her sometimes. And since we are both stubborn and always want to be right, we are like cat and dog at the moment. Which is ridiculous.

So on the weekends I stay with my parents. Now let me give you an example of what my grandma is like. Mum is picking me up every Friday. And every Friday my grandma and I have this conversation:

Nana: “So are you gonna come back?” (in a really serious and angry tone!)

Me: “Really grandma?! Of course! On Sunday!”

Nana: “Well I have to ask.” (again, serious and angry!)

Me: “right.”

So I’m leaving, spending Friday evening to Sunday afternoon/evening at my parents place. When I get back to grandma on Sunday I get to hear:

Me: “Hi grandma, you’re okay?”

Nana: “Hello”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Nana: “Why didn’t you call? I’m alone the whole Saturday and you didn’t even call. Do you know what it’s like to be alone the whole day? No one cares about me. No one asks about me! I could drop dead in this flat and you wouldn't even notice until you came back! I’m doing so much for you and you’re always just angry with me. I don’t even know what to say to you anymore. Every time I say something you get angry and you shout at me and I just don’t understand!......blah blah blah.”

I am away for 48 hours, not 48 years! What the?! And these are two of the most harmless arguments we have!

And if you think now: “Well, leave her alone. She’s old and she lost her husband and blaaaah.” You might be right but no, my grandma isn't THAT old. 80-90 that’s old. But my grandma is only 66! And yes she lost her husband but she needs to understand that she’s not the only one who lost someone. The whole family did. I pretty much grew up at my grandparents place. I spent all the school holidays and all the weekends there. Until I started my apprenticeship in 2007. So I miss my grandpa just as much as she does. But I am not behaving like she does, she wants everyone to feel sorry for her, seeking attention from everybody, it is just EXHAUSTING. I can’t deal with it. I can’t speak about what happened every day and talk about what we would do if grandpa was here now whatsoever. But what I know is: If my grandpa would still be alive and she would behave like she does at the moment, he would kick her bloody arse!

Everyone is handling grief in a different way, I know.  I got depression had to go see a psychologist and take anti-depressants for a few months (but let me tell you, it wasn't JUST because of my grandpa, but it definitely was the trigger to all bad). But her, you never know if she’s in a good or bad mood. It’s not like she doesn't have friends or goes out a lot. She does! She’s got people to talk to. She’s not as ALONE as she says she is.

I think I may have to find a man for her, but maybe that would be a bit too far after 44 years of marriage. Maybe a hobby could do. Any ideas/suggestions would be HIGHLY appreciated!

I love her, I really do and I do understand her (at least a bit), but she has to realise that I have my own life and my own things to worry and think about. And she’s just driving me nuts with her being in a bad mood just because she’s bored!

You might think I am a cold-hearted bitch, but I dare you to spend only 24 hours with my nana. If you still think I am the bitch, I’ll raise my hat to you!

Anyway, see you soon.

Xxx

Sabrina

Moving away, moving back, moving on.

So yesterday in my post, I said “It feels like yesterday that I….quit my job or moved to England and then moved back to Germany”. And I also said that’s “another story”.

Are you ready to hear it?

Right, so in August last year I finally did what I’ve been planning and dreaming about for years: I moved to England. Sunderland, to be more specific.

I quit my job, booked a flight, packed my bags, said goodbye to my family (basically it was more of a crying-my-eyes-out thing) and hopped on the plane.

And then there I was, with my boyfriend, meeting his parents and his brother for the first time. I guess I don’t have to tell you that I was terrified.

But there was absolutely no reason for that. They’ve all been lovely and it didn’t take long until I felt like this is “home”.

I was actually planning to go down to London a week after I arrived. For a job interview but (after a long talk with the boyfriend and his brother and god knows who), I wasn’t so sure anymore if this would be the right thing to do so I basically took the easy way out and stayed in Sunderland.

Looking back at this now, I don’t think it was the best decision I’ve ever made. But at this point I was happy with my it. I had a place to sleep, some lovely people around me and even found some new friends. And Sunderland itself isn’t too bad either. I was happy.

But reality kicked in soon and I realised this is not just a holiday trip. I had to find a job. QUICK!

Easier said than done, I’ve sent out application after application, but nothing.

It was a pain to get all the documents for my national insurance number, a bank account and other stuff that you just need when you’re a “grown-up” deciding to move to another country. (Stupid proof of address shit!)

But even when I had all the documents and was basically ready to finally start my “new life”, I still didn’t have a job and there weren’t many positions I could’ve applied for. Let’s just say, within these 4 Months I had one, yes ONE, job interview and as you can see, I didn’t get that job.

I went to see my family at the beginning of November because I really missed them and I needed some comforting.

As I went back to England, I had a long chat with my boyfriend and decided it was for the best to start looking for jobs in germany as well. Believe me I was more than upset about this. But I slowly ran out of money…after I spent most of it on clothes and books (and sweets) and I started to get bored and basically just felt completely useless because of the job situation. It wasn’t easy.

One of my old colleagues sent me an email with a vacancy of a really great position at my old company; of course I applied for it. Not long after that I got a call and they invited me for a job interview.

I took the last 250€ I had and booked a train ticket to germany. Flying with two 50 kg suitcases and a 25 kg hand luggage would have been a bit too expensive. And you don’t even want to know how much stuff I still had to leave at the boyfriends place!

I went to the job interview a few days later but didn’t hear back from them for a loooong time.

But then I got a call, again one of my old colleagues, telling me she’s heard I’m back and she would like to offer me a job (again). I didn’t have to think about it twice this time.

And now since February this year I am back in the coolest company ever and I am more than happy about this.

But this also means I’m back in germany and since my parents have a pretty small flat now, I live with my grandma, again.

It took me a while to get used to this again. I’ve been down for several weeks after I came back. I wasn’t very happy with myself. Like, I wasn’t good enough and didn’t try hard enough. And even though I haven’t been in Sunderland for too long, it feels like home now. And I do miss everything about it.

But now I’m quite okay with my situation. I have a great job and I’m back with my family and the (two) friends (I have now, since the bestie is still living in London).

A lot of other things are going on as well right now, but you’ll have to wait until I write about this….in another post.

Xxx

Sabrina

Fast-forward to a lost blog.

Hello beautiful blog Readers,

I'll be honest...I completely forgot about this blog. I mean the last post is from June 2012, which is almost ONE YEAR?! And so much has happened! Crazy.

But from the start...where's the time gone? I mean seriously. It feels like yesterday that I spent all summer at the lake with my Family, quit my job or moved to England and then moved back to Germany, but that's another Story.

Am I the only one who feels like the years go by faster the older you get? I feel like I somehow pressed the fast-forward button on life-remote and now that bloody remote is vanished and I can’t stop the fast-forward process. I swear I looked everywhere, the remote control is gone.

So the only thing I can do is make the most of the time I have. No matter how fast it goes by.

And here I am, May 5^th 2013, realised I still have a blog and lots of stuff and thoughts in my head and I need to get it all out somehow.

So from now on, if anyone should actually read this blog, you’ll get some new posts again, about my life and all the other stuff that is happening around me.

You’re looking forward to it? So do I.

See you soon,

Sab