Moving away, moving back, moving on.

So yesterday in my post, I said “It feels like yesterday that I….quit my job or moved to England and then moved back to Germany”. And I also said that’s “another story”.

Are you ready to hear it?

Right, so in August last year I finally did what I’ve been planning and dreaming about for years: I moved to England. Sunderland, to be more specific.

I quit my job, booked a flight, packed my bags, said goodbye to my family (basically it was more of a crying-my-eyes-out thing) and hopped on the plane.

And then there I was, with my boyfriend, meeting his parents and his brother for the first time. I guess I don’t have to tell you that I was terrified.

But there was absolutely no reason for that. They’ve all been lovely and it didn’t take long until I felt like this is “home”.

I was actually planning to go down to London a week after I arrived. For a job interview but (after a long talk with the boyfriend and his brother and god knows who), I wasn’t so sure anymore if this would be the right thing to do so I basically took the easy way out and stayed in Sunderland.

Looking back at this now, I don’t think it was the best decision I’ve ever made. But at this point I was happy with my it. I had a place to sleep, some lovely people around me and even found some new friends. And Sunderland itself isn’t too bad either. I was happy.

But reality kicked in soon and I realised this is not just a holiday trip. I had to find a job. QUICK!

Easier said than done, I’ve sent out application after application, but nothing.

It was a pain to get all the documents for my national insurance number, a bank account and other stuff that you just need when you’re a “grown-up” deciding to move to another country. (Stupid proof of address shit!)

But even when I had all the documents and was basically ready to finally start my “new life”, I still didn’t have a job and there weren’t many positions I could’ve applied for. Let’s just say, within these 4 Months I had one, yes ONE, job interview and as you can see, I didn’t get that job.

I went to see my family at the beginning of November because I really missed them and I needed some comforting.

As I went back to England, I had a long chat with my boyfriend and decided it was for the best to start looking for jobs in germany as well. Believe me I was more than upset about this. But I slowly ran out of money…after I spent most of it on clothes and books (and sweets) and I started to get bored and basically just felt completely useless because of the job situation. It wasn’t easy.

One of my old colleagues sent me an email with a vacancy of a really great position at my old company; of course I applied for it. Not long after that I got a call and they invited me for a job interview.

I took the last 250€ I had and booked a train ticket to germany. Flying with two 50 kg suitcases and a 25 kg hand luggage would have been a bit too expensive. And you don’t even want to know how much stuff I still had to leave at the boyfriends place!

I went to the job interview a few days later but didn’t hear back from them for a loooong time.

But then I got a call, again one of my old colleagues, telling me she’s heard I’m back and she would like to offer me a job (again). I didn’t have to think about it twice this time.

And now since February this year I am back in the coolest company ever and I am more than happy about this.

But this also means I’m back in germany and since my parents have a pretty small flat now, I live with my grandma, again.

It took me a while to get used to this again. I’ve been down for several weeks after I came back. I wasn’t very happy with myself. Like, I wasn’t good enough and didn’t try hard enough. And even though I haven’t been in Sunderland for too long, it feels like home now. And I do miss everything about it.

But now I’m quite okay with my situation. I have a great job and I’m back with my family and the (two) friends (I have now, since the bestie is still living in London).

A lot of other things are going on as well right now, but you’ll have to wait until I write about this….in another post.

Xxx

Sabrina

What the actual fuck happened to my life?!

Monday, June 4^th…it’s time to take a deep breath. Things have changed a lot for me in the last few weeks. But let’s start here:

About 7 weeks ago my parents received a letter…we were forced to move out. They gave us 4 weeks. 4 weeks to find a flat, to plan the move, to pack our stuff and to paint the house. We were shocked, but my dad was my dad and did what he always does when we face such terrifying problems; he keeps us going. His decisions might not always be right but at least he always has a plan and knows what to do. But this time it was a bit harder, we spent the first 2 weeks with trying to find a flat, which wasn’t easy. Since my parents knew that I want to leave in august, they’ve been looking for 2-3 bedroom apartments for them and my little brother. But there was literally nothing.

From the 14^th until the 28^th of May I took some days off work, I actually planned to go and see my boyfriend but when the letter arrived two weeks before that, I knew god had other plans for me during my holiday. My parents still hadn’t found a flat and we ran out of time so we had no other choice than starting to pack our stuff.  (I still cannot believe my whole life fits into 6 boxes and one bloody suitcase!)

In the meantime my parents got some appointments to look at flats. Then came the day when we left. So on the last night in my own bed my room looked like this:

Since my parents still hadn’t found a flat, my dad had to rent a 45 square meter flat so we were able to store our furniture and boxes and stuff somewhere and we all had to move in with my nana. This means, 7 people on 75 square meters, oh joy. So no more own room, no more own bed, no more own tv, no space for the computer which means no more skype with the boyfriend. When I thought about it, I was sure I wouldn't survive it!

My parents got their own, small room with a sleeping sofa in it. My brother took the sofa in the living room and I had to share a bed with my nana, my nephew and my sister. And even tho my nephew is only 17 months old and quite small, he took most of the space in bed. Some nights I woke up because he was lying on top of me or kicked me in the back and some mornings I woke up because he kicked me in the face while he slept. I had some great fun….NOT. You’re always around people and you don’t even have 5 minutes to yourself. Me nana was quite annoyed after a few days already because the place wasn’t as clean anymore as she’s used to it. But what do you expect with 6 people, a dog and a 17 month old toddler on 75 square meters?! But somehow we managed to keep it as clean as possible and everyone was quite okay with the situation after a few days.

But yeh, I spent the first week of my holidays with getting up at 7 in the morning and coming back late in the evening, carrying boxes and furniture to the car, throwing old stuff away and carrying more heavy stuff. But we’ve been quite fast and so our old 250 square meter flat was empty soon. Then came the second week of my holidays and we had to paint the whole house, it was terrible, the walls are in a quite weird shape (you actually don’t paint them but spray them with a weird machine which my dad couldn't find ANYWHERE!) but we did our best, painting, singing, laughing, cleaning. We’ve been quite relieved and happy with our work at the end of the week.

Then my parents finally got a call and got told that they can move into one of the flats they’ve been looking at. FINALLY. The flat isn’t as big as our old one but since they’re only 3 people now it’s absolutely fine and the flat is quite amazing actually. My sister still hasn’t found a flat tho so it seems like she’ll stay with me and the nana until she got something. Anyway, on Friday my dad got the keys and they were able to move in. And again, let’s carry some furniture and boxes because it’s such great fun! I was happy that my parents only needed my help on Friday so I had the weekend to myself. They picked up their last stuff yesterday and even tho there’s still pure chaos in their new flat, it’s starting to look like home for them.

We still have some problems with our old landlord but dad wouldn’t be my dad if he wouldn’t have a plan already. I’m glad things are starting to get a bit better again now. There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. Yes I actually still don’t really have a “home” anymore and living with my nana is NOT easy but at least I finally have my own bed again, well yeh it’s the sleep sofa at my nanas but at least I don’t have to share it anymore and I got my own room again. I have privacy again! Thanks god! But still things have changed a lot and I still have to get used to this situation. And more things are to come but I shall tell you about this later.

Xo Sab

 PS: I miss my bed terribly :'(

Expect the best, plan for the worst and prepare to be surprised.

As a lot of you already know: I am still planning to move to England. Get out of this shit whole and move on to pastures new.

BUT my plans of leaving this shitty country always, and I mean ALWAYS, get ruined. No matter how good my plans are, no matter how prepared I am...something happens, more bad than good stuff, and I have to start planning again. I start to think that this is a sign. Maybe I am not supposed to move away, maybe I have to stay here my whole life and be unhappy, because this is god’s plan for me! “Sabrina wants to be happy?! Fuck that I won’t let this happen! Let’s ruin her plans until she gives up!” - Thanks for that God!

A few years back, I’ve suddenly been sure about the fact that I will never be happy here and that I want to move away, not just move out of my parents’ home and get my own flat in the next town, no. I want something different, completely different. I am sick of Germany; I am sick of the people, the language, the country, and the government, just everything! And I like England, I like the country, the people, the language, I just like it. And shut up about the weather! Yes it does rain in England but do you think its better in Germany? No. It’s pretty much the same, I can live with that.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

Then one day, voilà the boyfriend appeared on my screen. A cute English guy, who caught my attention immediately. Right from the start, I knew that I cannot imagine my future without him. This encouraged my view on moving away even more.

Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.

So the bestie (yes she’s gonna come with me) and me started planning a long time ago. And we realised it’s a lot harder than we thought at the beginning, but it was okay. We planned, a lot. Got all the information and thought about the best way to do it. After months of trying to save money and setting different dates and then always postponing them, we finally had the ultimate plan. She’s gonna go to London for a few months as an au pair, I’ll stay in germany and work till my contract ends and then move in with the boyfriend. At least until I found a job and me and the bestie found a flat together. Sounds easy, but (still) isn’t. I am not gonna tell you every detail, because it's a long and not really nice story and actually my family problems are not your buisness. Just so much:

I am scared. I am honestly shitting my pants. But now, I have no other choice. My parents gonna move out of the house and move in to a two bedroom apartment with my brother and my sister’s gonna move away with her son as well. Since I actually won’t have a home anymore, I have no other choice than leaving in august. Because I do not want to stay here any longer and I will not get my own flat here because I still need to save money! I’m gonna stay with my nana or my sister for the next 2 months until I can finally go over to the boyfriend. I thought.

Good fortune is what happens, when opportunity meets planning.

And now?! My plans are upside down again. AGAIN! My contract would end in July but now they offered me a new position, starting in August for another year! Another year? This means I'd have to get my own flat here, in shitty land. Can I really stay here another year? Push back my plans and dreams again? The boyfriend AND the bestie won’t be impressed. It’s a brilliant opportunity though, would look marvellous in my CV...but can I do it? Mentally? I don’t know. I have to think about this now. Maybe do a pro and contra list?! Urgh! I don't even know why I wrote about this now, I just had to get it out of my mind, too much stuff is in my head right now, it might explode. Anyway....

But what would you do? Got some advice, anything?

Till then,

Sab

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