As a lot of you already know: I am still planning to move to England. Get out of this shit whole and move on to pastures new.
BUT my plans of leaving this shitty country always, and I mean ALWAYS, get ruined. No matter how good my plans are, no matter how prepared I am...something happens, more bad than good stuff, and I have to start planning again. I start to think that this is a sign. Maybe I am not supposed to move away, maybe I have to stay here my whole life and be unhappy, because this is god’s plan for me! “Sabrina wants to be happy?! Fuck that I won’t let this happen! Let’s ruin her plans until she gives up!” - Thanks for that God!
A few years back, I’ve suddenly been sure about the fact that I will never be happy here and that I want to move away, not just move out of my parents’ home and get my own flat in the next town, no. I want something different, completely different. I am sick of Germany; I am sick of the people, the language, the country, and the government, just everything! And I like England, I like the country, the people, the language, I just like it. And shut up about the weather! Yes it does rain in England but do you think its better in Germany? No. It’s pretty much the same, I can live with that.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
Then one day, voilà the boyfriend appeared on my screen. A cute English guy, who caught my attention immediately. Right from the start, I knew that I cannot imagine my future without him. This encouraged my view on moving away even more.
Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.
So the bestie (yes she’s gonna come with me) and me started planning a long time ago. And we realised it’s a lot harder than we thought at the beginning, but it was okay. We planned, a lot. Got all the information and thought about the best way to do it. After months of trying to save money and setting different dates and then always postponing them, we finally had the ultimate plan. She’s gonna go to London for a few months as an au pair, I’ll stay in germany and work till my contract ends and then move in with the boyfriend. At least until I found a job and me and the bestie found a flat together. Sounds easy, but (still) isn’t. I am not gonna tell you every detail, because it's a long and not really nice story and actually my family problems are not your buisness. Just so much:
I am scared. I am honestly shitting my pants. But now, I have no other choice. My parents gonna move out of the house and move in to a two bedroom apartment with my brother and my sister’s gonna move away with her son as well. Since I actually won’t have a home anymore, I have no other choice than leaving in august. Because I do not want to stay here any longer and I will not get my own flat here because I still need to save money! I’m gonna stay with my nana or my sister for the next 2 months until I can finally go over to the boyfriend. I thought.
Good fortune is what happens, when opportunity meets planning.
And now?! My plans are upside down again. AGAIN! My contract would end in July but now they offered me a new position, starting in August for another year! Another year? This means I'd have to get my own flat here, in shitty land. Can I really stay here another year? Push back my plans and dreams again? The boyfriend AND the bestie won’t be impressed. It’s a brilliant opportunity though, would look marvellous in my CV...but can I do it? Mentally? I don’t know. I have to think about this now. Maybe do a pro and contra list?! Urgh! I don't even know why I wrote about this now, I just had to get it out of my mind, too much stuff is in my head right now, it might explode. Anyway....
But what would you do? Got some advice, anything?
Till then,
Sab
X
